I’m Just Really Trying…

June 6, 2008

One of my brother-in-laws, who is the best manager I know, jokes that if he ever writes a book it will be called “I’m Just Really Trying.” It will be an analysis of the ever pervading thought in our culture that you just have to wish and really, really, really be sincere about wanting something then expect for it to mysteriously materialize.

He and I have good laughs over this topic every now and then. So why am I bringing this up now? Because there is a woman sitting next to me at Starbucks who has dropped various iterations of this line at least a half-dozen times within the last 15 minutes. (I think she’s on a job interview.)

“I just really want to be a part of some place that is successful.”

“I just really want to be on a team that values my ideas.”

“I just really want to not settle.”

Now, before you criticize me for being overly-cynical, let me say that I don’t necessarily believe there is anything wrong with the core desire of those statements. Who doesn’t want to experience success, be on a team that values your input and continue to achieve new things?

The problem, as I see it, is that the “I just really” statement carries a sentiment with it that is 1) naive and 2) responsibility shifting.

First, it’s naive because it ignores the fact that the world is filled with insecure, backstabbing suckers who will whack their own mom at a moments notice to save their own skin. If you have never experienced this or don’t know of anybody who has, please tell me where the company is, because I want to work there.

Second, it places the responsibility for cultivating that culture on others instead of putting the onus squarely on your shoulders to actively participate in building the culture you desire. I think people do this to hedge against (accepting) failure. There are exceptions, but I think this logic generally holds up.

Well, that was a quick post and I didn’t edit it, so please forgive me if the thoughts are a little rough. And EJ, if you’re reading this, you’re the first person on my “to hire” list and I guarantee this time around you won’t be surrounded by a bunch of “I’m just really trying” types.